oh my goodness

I want a Teacup Yorkie soooo bad!! They're precious...

light up my heart

"I'm moving on,

I hope you're coming with me,

'Cause I'm not strong, without you.

Don't blame it on your shadow,

'Cause I'm alone,

without you."

-"Shadows" by Au Revoir Simone

But trust me, I'm learning

fireflies

It was in moments like this that she missed him. In the quiet times, when she sat alone, were the times when she wished the most that he was only a phone call away. She didn't miss the cold stare of his disengaged eyes, or the swelling insecurity that seemed to strangle her in those last days; but she missed the tone of his voice over the tiny speaker when they were apart, his hand over hers when they were together.
What lingered even more, however, was the hurt and resentment which settled over her memories like a fine layer of dust. She could no longer even be certain of those fleeting, happy moments; she couldn't be sure how far is his lies had infiltrated into his actions, words, kisses.

Everything seemed like a lie now, and she missed when he was everything. She missed when he was anything...

status: I don't think I've ever hated anyone like I hate you now

"Counting down all the hours I've spent here

Drowning in all of your lies dear

I wish I could have been warned"

-The Scene Aesthetic, "The Alamo Is No Place For Dancing"

something to slip into

Yesterday was another glorious day of vintage finds! This time I went to my favorite thrift shop called 'Value Village", which is basically the same thing as a Goodwill, but I always seem to have better luck there. And I was not disappointed!I found this adorable sleep top for eight dollars! It's a beautiful pink with polka-dot lace across the front and sleeves, and rosettes on the collar and on each hip. The bottom is ruffled and rises higher on each side. I belted with my skinny pink leather belt that clasps with a bow.My other fabulous find, a slip for 2 dollars! I love it, though I must admit that I'm not planning on wearing just that alone! Far too scandalous!It's a beautiful whisper pink, silky, and has a pretty overall detail of tiny x's... This is what I bought the slip to go with... I only had a navy blue slip to go underneath it, which goes great with my brown boots and navy blue blazer for a more autumn look, but I wanted something nice and light for spring and summer.

Hope everyone had an equally exquisite weekend!

when I start to think too much, the words flow to the page

I’ve got a bow in my hair, a smile on my face, a hole in my heart
A cell phone that won’t ring, a tank full of gas
And no reason to go to you

All is not fair in love and war
Whoever said otherwise was never in love at all
And clearly never met you

We held each other through the coldest winter months
But with the warming weather of the changing season
Perhaps you realized that your love had changed too

And I’m trying to convince myself that I deserve better than this
But I can’t help but feel that I’ve missed my chance
Strange how you finally make sense

I always thought your charm and looks were wasted on me
Turns out they’re only wasted when you’re stupid enough to fall for it
And I fell to the floor with eyes wide open

You were something more than a drunken indiscretion
And I think from now on, I’ll take my kisses with a shot
Of something bitter that won’t allow me to count on anything

Because I can’t take, won’t take, that disengaged look in your eyes
And I won’t take the days of silence
So you can take back all the things that ever fell into my hands

All the little things I called perfections that led me to you
Now feel like a row of tiny mistakes, like ill-fated dominos
That continued through three months of me looking the other way

I can still remember the feel of your skin on my skin
Lips on my shoulder, hands on your chest
The hushed darkness of the passenger seat

And cigarette smoke may always smell a little like passion
And remind me of the taste on your teeth
I can’t even look at those little blue boxes, but I never smoke Camels anyway

And I hope you’re happy that I made this easy for you
And I hope that new girl is easier than I was
And I hope that this time around, you’re the one who gets hurt

So go ahead and wear those stupid hats of yours
And stretch out your earlobes and get another ugly tattoo
If that’s what your new girlfriend likes

Because at some point I will stop checking my phone for your call
And listening for the rumble of your Mustang on my street
At some point I will stop missing your broad shoulders and perfect mouth

It may feel like you’ve ripped my lungs from my chest
But these are wounds that will heal
Because I never gave you that kind of control over me.

***
my photography and writing. If you want to see more of my photos, there's a link to my flickr under "these are a few of my favorite things" ---->

the beauty that unfolded while I was unaware of the horrors taking place

These are a few of the pictures that I took while I was on vacation. This is my cousin Sarah, who I think is goregous in an understated way. She is also brilliantly intelligent and looks towards the future with her eyes wide open.

I love blooming flowers and blue skies...

Pictures! Finally!

Yay! Blogger finally let me post pictures! So, here are a few shots of my day spent making cupcakes :) Above are the pretty pink and aqua liners I used... on the outside of these I used aluminum foil wrappers, which a sparkly and pretty...
Getting ready to go in the oven!
My Little Pony, Sweetie Belle, loves cupcakes too!
My new pretty pink satin hairbow... my cousin and I went on a shopping excursion before we frosted the cupcakes.
the finished product! pink and aqua with the lightest dusting of sprinkles :) Vanilla bean, and utterly delicious...

the week in review: cupcakes and heartbreak

sorry for the absence in posting, but I have had one of the worst weeks. After returning from my ten day family vacation, I returned to find that my boyfriend of almost three months was no longer quite as enamored with me as when I left.

I had traveled 13 hours on Saturday to get from North Carolina back to California, where I was having a kick-back at my house (since my parents would not return until 2 days later). My boyfriend could not even pretend to be happy to see me, showing up late with the most disengaged look in his eyes; thus, I proceeded to drink more cranberry vodkas than was probably needed. The next day he was brusque on the phone and did not come over, though he said he would. He did not call me the following day, the first time since we had met. I called and texted him, and he would not respond. So, on the following Saturday, I drove the half-hour to his house and dropped off his things that I had acquired: a ring, 3 DVDs, a shirt, and a jacket that he had purchased for me, with my nickname written on it. So, without ever speaking about it, we had broken up.

The only thing to have come out of this whole week was that my sweet and supportive cousin made cupcakes with me :) I took some photos, but blogger has been stupid and is not letting me post them; when I regain those capabilities, I plan on posting those, as well as some photos from my vacation.

I hope everyone had a better week than I did, and that a better week is in store for all of us.

once upon a time

Today I went hiking with my family to a waterfall. Near it there is a wooden platform where you can stand above the river below, and scrawled in black sharpie along a board there was this:

"I love this girl. Katy is the one I will die for"

I couldn't help but wonder if they were still together somewhere, maybe living in a tiny apartment and eating Cup O' Noodles because that's all they can afford, but it doesn't matter because they have each other and that's all they really need. Or I wondered if he actually did die for her. I wondered if perhaps neither were true; instead, the message was a fleeting sentiment, no more substantial than the water cascading over the rocks. Perhaps she had loved another boy once, and she couldn't let him go. Maybe she never felt like she was good enough for him, and day by day they grew apart. Maybe he fell in love with another girl who was prettier and never asked for much and never seemed to worry.

I wish I never had to worry.

well that was great while it lasted

"I can only be in love for the rest of my life for about two weeks."

As much as I wish I could claim that I was genius enough to come up with that, I actually stole it from a twitter post from lastnightsparty.com. It's rather appropriate at this moment because I had my first tiff with The Boy, The Boy being my boyfriend of two months, last night. Men, I swear; you can't live with 'em but you can't live without 'em. Anyways, I think we've officially passed that we've-just-met-and-I'm-totally-obsessed-with-you-and-everything-about-you-is-wonderful phase, which leaves us with... what now? Blech, whatever.

So with that, I will admit that I have started thinking about other men. Namely, Paul Newman. I truly started crying when he died. Such a loss to the acting world, not to mention how darn attractive I find him.

Anyways, I'm hanging out with The Boy tonight after work, even though I was tempted to tell him that I couldn't because I had to feed my cat. But then I realised that would be particularly cruel, so I abstained, even though my cousin kept telling me to do it. Actually, I think that might have been what tipped my off that it was a bad idea.